History of the J Man

Last night we did the bris for Elliott at the Koslens.  We had a pretty good crowd of people there, maybe about 25 in all, and they got to see a pretty good show.

If you’ve never attended a bris before (I’ve been to one other one, but it was so crowded, I didn’t see any of the juicy parts), this is the Jewish custom of ritual circumcision, the way the child is welcomed into the Jewish faith.  It’s similar to a Christian custom of baptism, but instead of splashing a bit of water on the scalp a few times, the tip of the penis is sliced off.  The Jews do not fuck around.

The mohel (the person who actually performs the surgery) was a very nice man named Dr. Bill Barrows, who Julie found online.  He was one of the few who didn’t seem loaded with a lot of attitude about how the child would be raised.  Also, just for the record, when you do a home birth, it is difficult to find someone to do the circumcision, as most places said, “Talk to your OB,” who would say, “Talk to your pediatrician,” who would then refer you to the OB again.  I’m glad we did it this way.

Everyone gathered in the Koslens living room.  A table had been set up which everyone gathered around, with a little place for the baby to lay where his arms and legs could be pinned down.  Amy and Tim acted as Elliott’s godparents, Julie and I said a few words, Dena and Julie’s parents also had some readings.  Then it was showtime. 

They strapped him in.  Mark, Julie’s dad, was instructed to dab the baby’s lips with wine as needed, but to me it looked like he was shoving a purple rag halfway down his throat a little too often.  Even after the mohel told him to stop, he kept doing it.  I didn’t say anything, though, as one of my rules in life is that if you are ever in a position where part of your penis is about to be chopped off, the bar should remain open.  Literally one minute later, after a couple of expert incisions from Dr. Barrows, it was over.  The procedure itself was pretty quick, though judging from Elliott’s reaction, not exactly painless.  And then, as is Jewish custom, it was time to eat.

Overall, it was a very nice evening, and a good way for Elliott to me a lot of Julie’s side of the family. 

Sidenote: I ended up eating at the table where the circumcision was performed.  I didn’t see any penis blood.